Train: One hell of a Ride

I won't bore you. I created this blog to discuss movies that may or may not be suitable to be watched with Women/men you are trying to bed/bang/fuck. Once that's in the bag though I still want to steer you clear of bad horrible movies that may waste your precious time, and point you in the direction of movies that are definitely worth the time.

Let's face it, we watch movies to "escape" from everyday normal life. I feel bad for people who watch the same movies over and over again. That's really trying to escape lol.

Train is a film that surprised me. For one I rarely watch horror/slasher flicks in that they almost always seem to disappoint. The plot is usually whack and every cast member deserves to die, as do the filmmakers in most cases ;-P

So yeah, people/fans/horror film lovers started to get tired of this formula indeed. We've had a ton of remakes, some bad (Chainsaw massacre anyone?) and some good (The hills have eyes part 1, Rob Zombies Halloween anyone?). The "Saws" and "Hostels" started to pop up, setting a new bar in film making. I'm not going to argue if those movies are actually good (I haven't even seen any of the hostels yet lol) but the whole point of those films seem to shed light on "hey, horror movies can be original and smart, and uncliche etc. etc. etc."

Train (2008), though some may be to argue it to be "hostel on a train", seems to have gone out of its way to twist a new way of killing tourists and taking their body parts. The film is clever, the editing flows well and keeps you watching until the end. Decent acting, top notch Special effects, and a tolerable plot (When I read the synopsis I was laughing in my head...but they actually pull it off in Train).

Plot: A group of American wrestlers are in Russia competing in a tournament. After one such tournament they sneak out to a party which makes them late the next day for their departure to the next country. The rest of team has already left and the coach waits for them in anger. They end up taking an alternate Train. Except this train is different. It's got a crazy chick doctor and her cronies aboard who take tourists and hack them up, selling their spare body parts to the highest bidder.

Is it Hostel?:
Like I mentioned before, I never saw the Hostel films (which I may or may not check out soon...my attention span for such films is very very short). The only reason why I saw this film was because I was mad bored and high after a night of DJing and it was easy to press play. If a film doesn't do it for me in the first 5 minutes I stop watching it and move onto something else. The film had no name actors. The acting wasn't the best but I would say that there was enough chemistry between the characters to where it was pulled off. The cinematography wasn't the best but it definitely had a certain aesthetic to it that you had to appreciate.

Though I didn't watch Hostel I'm going to bet my money that this film is nothing like Hostel. I'm going to bet that Train (2008) is on a more original take. The film maker of Train is def talented and onto something.

For starters the film had me guessing who the main protagonist was going to be. Right when I thought the film would have sympathy for x or y character you see them getting tortured in the most brutal way imaginable.

Did I mention that the special effects had me thinking of running to the bathroom to hurl everytime someone was being tortured/maimed. Who ever did the special effects, my hats off to you. Seriously, there were scenes that made me feel like a helpless bystander. I assume this film went straight to DVD when it came out so in my book it goes straight to B-Movie status. For a B-Movie the film is pretty amazing.

I wouldn't have put thousands of words into this review otherwise. Any film that makes me shudder at a specific scene when I close eyes and remember what I saw when I'm trying to go to sleep is worth writing about.


Example: There's a scene when one of the more alpha wrestlers is hanging naked about to be gutted (unknown to us they have plans on taking his eyes). He's still conscious so he kicks the lady doctor and she tells her "machine" helper to "do something about it" so the "machine" dude gets a scalpel, slices the back of the kids neck where you can see this spinal cord, gets a tiny hammer and, hammers a flat blade into a section of the kids spinal cord to where he goes limp (paralyzed from the neck down). When I saw that I was like "HOLY FUCK....AHHHHHhhh." There are tons of scenes like this. The opening credits (which are well done) def set the tone for the film, where we see a shadowed figured gutting a whole human body, from skinning it to chopping it up with an Axe lol. The difference between Train and cheesy B-movies is that this looks real. Real to the point where I had to keep watching (that whole vibe where you know you can't watch anymore because its so horrific but you're eyes keep watching for that very matter).

The characters in the film are like any characters in a horror film. At the beginning of Train I found myself guessing which of the characters were going to get killed and which ones weren't.

This movie pretty much fucks with every single character. Especially the men. The guys in this movie got it pretty bad.



Who to watch this With:

This is a perfect film to watch with a girl (make sure she's into horrible films though, as this is not for the light hearted, and a very melon collie, negative film...this film succeeds in making you never want to travel outside of the US to a foreign place...it scared the living shit out of me...)

I would not watch this film if you want to feel cheery afterwards. This film is not good to watch if you're watching it with a girl you have not yet had sex with. Even if you watch it with a girl you've had sex with you won't want to have sex after seeing Train.

Train is disturbing and very very bloody. I found myself cringing during some parts and I haven't done that since I read Bret Easton Ellis' book "American Psycho" (great film btw ;-), yet that's what made me have to keep watching more till it ended. This film brings out the Sadist in all of us. Though we hate to see it, we cannot help but watch the two guys bashing each others faces in outside the pub, or the MMA fight where one guys face is beat to pulp bleeding from all angles yet he still fights....etc.

I couldn't help but think how in the end we are all just Meat and bones, blood and guts.

I'd refrain from watching it with a group of people, this film if def a guilty pleasure "watch by yourself" type film.

I wrote about Train because this movie (from it appearance and synopsis) had "Terrible movie" written all over it. But it wasn't a bad movie at all. Def a surprise diamond in the rough and I have no problems shedding some light to others about it. I've been watching alot of movies (new, old, popular etc.) and sure some were cool (G.I Joe had some great effects but it wasn't anything special....). Train def makes you feel a certain way (good or bad) and does make you question and value how one needs to live life to the fullest.

Though Train will make you think otherwise, the world is still a very peaceful place ;-)

I'm packing heat the next time I'm in a weird part of the Russian Peninsula, taking the Gza's Advice ...."I got ya back but ya best to watch ya Front, cause it the niggas who front, they be pulling stunts...I got ya back but ya best to watch your front..."


-A



-A

Funny People...Very Funny, and more importanly....Well Done ;-)

There comes a point in time where I write up a sentence like this one....saying something about how film makers haven't made a movie like x or y the way they used to back in the day...blah blah blah.

Funny People is a very interesting film because...1. It's actually very good...2. It has Adam Sandler in it (most of his movies blow)...and 3. Movies like this can be made in 2009, and that takes alot of balls.

I'm telling you: RIGHT NOW we're in a situation where people are not going to the movies any more. People are finding out ways to watch movies with out actually spending 10 dollars at the movie theatre. On my way to the subway you can see mad dudes selling boot leg copies of DVDs. China town Manhattan has every movie bootlegged before it even came out ;-)

Plus Movie theatres blow my balls. I'd rather catch the flu in my own home thank you very much. I'm not against sitting in a room full of 50 or more people but...it's true, movie theatres are riddled with germs and people that you would never let set foot in your own home anyway lol.

Seriously, you have movies like Ice Age 3 that are literally #1 at the box office for over three weeks in a row. Either that or their up at the top for mad long. WHY? Because their made for Children. And children have to bring their parents who have to also pay for the tickets to see it. Ingenuis. So Ice Age 3 is a shitty movie that only appeals to toddlers and stuff animals but since it's number one at the box office every week people actually think that it deserves an oscar.

As sad as it sounds, the soul reason to make films and release them is to get ASSES into Seats to watch them. I learned that from my Production professor, and even when he was saying that I couldn't help but think "what ever, people need to make films from the heart...not because they know it's going to make tons of dough."


But truth be told, not that many people are going to watch Funny People. It's amazingly written, performed and edited. Yes, it's about 2.5 hours long but every minute of it is mesmorizing. I watch alot of movies and not in a while have I been mezmorized by a film like this one. I won't go into the plot or even the names of the characters etc. because there's plenty of blogged reivews, that can explain it wayyyyy better than I'd care to go into.

My main thing is the feeling and the energy this movie emitted.


Who to watch it with:

You can watch this movie with practically anyone. Taking girls to see this movie is fine. Nothing is ever too mushy and parts are balanced out quite well. This is a comedic-drama. Not a screwball comedy.

Screwball comedies (bad ones like BrideWars etc.) are very very bias towards women (sure there are Bias men films too, but that's for another topic...). You've got scenes in screwball comedies where the guy looks like an asshole if he doesn't ask the girl to marry him. WTF. You're sitting there with a chick watching that movie and that type of scene comes up..."Marry me...blah blah blah..."

Holy shit, is it me or are screw ball comedies designed to promote Marriages and make a guy feel like a total dick if he appreciates the company of more than one women. Thank you social conditioning ;-)

Rest assured there is no booby "marry me, let's run away together forever" cock blocks in this film. Anyone who loves Rated R movies can definitely get through this one.

Upon reading some other reviews I couldn't help but notice how people started to rip on the editing or the length or the way the camera angles were set up. LOL

I usually get a kick out of these sorts of reviews. All of a sudden people who watch and review movies are literally film makers now who know "EVERY THING" about film making. LOL
As I scratch my balls at the thought....nope, that's like Roger Ebert saying he can direct better than Steven Spielberg just because he knows how to explain the way a movie was put together.

Look, the editing, the camera shots, the lighting, in Funny People "worked." The vibe of the film was beautiful and I have to say that had to do in part with the editing. To have bloggers state that the "editer" should never edit again in their lives after editing Funny People is pretty fucked up especially when they are professionals at what they do ;-)

"Give me the chance to edit, I'll make it way better...." Ah yes...Jealousy comes in a all shapes and sizes lol.

Funny People was already a pretty damn good movie and to try and say that it could have been better if x or y was done to it is just fucking pathetic. Appreciate the filmmakers decisions on why they left certain shots in etc. ;-)

Kudos to the makers of Funny People ;-)


-j